Day 3

The baby crawled!

What a momentous day this is. 

It started fairly normal and was rather pleasant (apart from the bright red juice my husband brought me this morning. It would appear that he is on a health kick and is juicing anything that stays still long enough. This morning he juiced grapes (normal), apples (normal), carrots (hmm), beetroot (HMM) and parsnip (I KNOW!). It was fairly unpleasant but I didn’t bat an eyelid, even when he told me that he had put some in the baby’s beaker and given it to her (he only told me when I freaked out at her pink vomit)).

We went to baby group where my daughter practiced her ‘zombie crawling’ as my sister calls it and I practiced being nice to other people’s children. My daughter did better than me. 

I hoovered the downstairs of the house and considered introducing the baby to the sucky hose on the hoover. I decided against it when I remembered the dog’s reaction to said introduction (I came downstairs one day to find my husband hoovering the dog. He thought it would be easier than brushing her. It wasn’t. Since then the dog runs a mile when the hoover comes out). 

It was in the afternoon when the baby decided to give crawling a proper go. She did well, I think she got about 2 feet until she decided that she would rather roll around like a weeble. She did, however, decide to crawl later on. In the bath. It wasn’t her best idea. She got a face full of water and wanted me and the rest of the town to know that she wasn’t happy. Then she did it again. And again. Same result every time. Funny, that.

And tonight I go off to Slimming World as I do every Tuesday night. I live for Tuesday evenings! Time off from being a mummy and a wife. As soon as I come back I will no doubt eat a mountain of food, as is tradition after group.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, I didn’t dream of Ryan Reynolds last night. I dreamt of Michael Buble. He helped me up the steps with the pram. Saucy, right? Pah. I’ll never stop being a mummy, will I? 

Day 2

The phone issue is fixed, you will be relieved to hear. I know you were unable to sleep last night due to worry, but all is well. Thank God for insurance. £50 excess and a brand new iPhone, thank you very much. 

Be warned though, husband, next time I might ‘drop it’ on your head, not the living room floor.

In other news, I spent an hour and 15 minutes walking around the supermarket today.

An hour and fifteen minutes.

Usually I have a screaming baby perched precariously in the trolley (often screaming because I put her in the seat in such a hurry that both legs get wedged in the same leg hole (yes, I am that mother. The one that has hastily applied make up, often forgetting to blend in her concealer and with snot, spit, sick and the other ‘s’ smeared over the not so carefully planned outfit)) and I rush in and out of the supermarket as fast as a human can, often mowing down the elderly and other people’s children as I go (that just makes me feel better).

But today, I was baby free! So I meandered. I looked at the clothes, I tried on the lipsticks and I read, actually read, the backs of the packets of food. 

I fear that people may have looked upon me with some concern, particularly when I started singing “See the little bunnies sleeping ’till it’s nearly noon, shall we try and wake them with a merry tune…”. I think I need a sign that reads “This woman is sleep deprived. She may burst in to song at any time, rock the trolley or break down and cry in the fresh produce aisle (that’s a story for another day)”.

My darling husband is out tonight, so once the baby is in bed I plan to relax. With wine, chocolate and Ryan Reynolds. 

Ok, maybe not Mr R but I can dream.

I will dream!