May 11th 2013

I often wonder what people mean when they tell me I’m funny. Also when they say to me, “Oh Emily, only you”. I like to think that they think I am genuinely hilarious and that only I say such wonderfully funny things. But, I’ve been thinking about it and I reckon they mean this, “You are weird. You are outrageously inappropriate and I am beginning to wonder why I spend time with you”.

It’s true. I am inappropriate. I am one of those people who says what everyone else is thinking. Plus some. 

This one time (not at band camp) I said to a friend of mine, “I’m so sorry to hear about your mum” (her mum had recently died) “that’s really crap”! WHO says that to a grieving woman? Me. That’s who. I don’t engage my brain before stuff comes rushing out of my mouth. I really out to practice that.

Another thing I do that can be totally inappropriate, I talk about sex. Always me. All the time. Not in a crude way (not always!), but I can be relied upon to bring it up (no pun intended). If you want to have a civilized girly evening or a nice grown up shindig, don’t invite me!

It’s fun though. You have to embrace the inappropriateness sometimes. Or you can be stiff (HA) and grown up. But I will laugh when people say “I was up at the crack of Dawn” or when someone admires how well something was erected! Seriously, how can you not?! 

Speaking of being inappropriate, my husband and I are teaching our daughter the ways. I am lucky to have married a male version of myself. We giggle at the small things. My caption for this photo is, “Mummy, I like being an only child. Keep using these!”.


So, if you want some spice adding to an event, you know where to come!!


May 5th 2013

Today was a good day. It was the first day in months that I walked out of the house feeling good. It may have something to do with the fact that the baby slept from 7.30pm – 7am FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER <does  little mummy dance> Even the dog was super chilled…

photo 1

When we left the house to go to church I was feeling great! My hair had done what I wanted it to, my make up had behaved and the sun was shining. I even wore purple jeans to celebrate the sunshine (yes I know what I said yesterday but purple is very different from orange!).
Church was great, but part way through my husband turned to me and said, “Fancy grabbing the baby from creche and doing a runner?”! I giggled, actually giggled, and we did! We hoiked the baby out of creche and went out to enjoy the weather! I felt like such a rebel, really guilty. The last time I felt that guilty in church was when I stole some sweets from a cupboard in the kid’s church room when I was about 10! I’m sure I was cajoled into it by my friend. You know who you are. ALLY!
Poor Ally. I don’t know why she put up with me when we were little. I was one of those children who wasn’t rebellious and rarely did anything ‘naughty’.  I used to tell on Ally all the time when we were kids! I would always feel guilty and if I had been around someone who had done something wrong. I would be so wracked with guilt that I had to tell my mum! Apparently my mum used to get called into my primary school because I would cry hysterically when my classmates got told off! No wonder I didn’t have many friends (ahhhhhhhh).
One time I was going round to Ally’s house to sleep over and I stole £2 from my mum’s purse so that we could buy some sweets. Well I got to Ally’s and I felt so guilty. I remember sitting on her bed sobbing. So we hatched a plan. I would still spend the money, but I would buy something that I could enjoy but tell my mum it was for her. So I bought a goldfish.
The next day, my sister was performing with her school big band and I broke down in the middle of the concert and told my mum everything. She must have grown sick of my conscience at one point as I vaguely remember her telling me to ‘grow a pair’ once. I really was a wet child. Thankfully I’ve grown a pair now though! Just a metaphorical pair….luckily for my husband!
I hope you all have a super bank holiday! I leave you with this super cute image: