May 3rd 2013

No one looks good first thing in the morning. No one. The films lie. Who wakes up with perfect hair and makeup? Er, not me. I resemble a dull, over sized cockatoo. The only two people who get to witness such a fright are my daughter and my long suffering husband. Apart from today…

…You may recall my realisation that I am turning in to my mother because of my mummy dancing? Well, I took the baby downstairs this morning to get her some porridge. My husband was at work and I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed. It was a beautiful morning so I had the kitchen door open so we could admire the garden. Whilst the baby was waiting for her porridge to cool down, I was keeping her entertained by swaying around the kitchen in my dressing gown, singing along to the radio. Then just as I started wobbling my head at her as well as waving my arms, I heard someone shout, “Alright Emily!”. It was my next door neighbour’s son at the bottom of their garden! I yelled ‘hello’ back and ducked out of sight. Now, I should have just left it at that and thought to myself, ‘perhaps I was having one of those mornings where I wake up and look devastatingly beautiful’. But no. I went and looked in the mirror. Oh my. I had make up smudged around my eyes (even though I removed it the night before) and my hair was completely up on end and was wafting about with a mind of its own. Note to self: avoid mirrors (and dancing around the kitchen) first thing in the morning.

To make myself feel less stupid, I decided to balance the top of a pineapple on the baby’s head? Why? Because it took the stupid away from me and put it on her for a bit. Aren’t I a good mother?

When I the baby was napping and I was getting dressed, I decided to make an extra effort to make myself feel a little better. So, I used some Nair hair removal cream on my top lip as I do every week or so. Whilst it was doing its job, I plucked my eyebrows. And lost track of time. You are only supposed to leave the cream on for 5 mins; I left it on for six. When I took it off I had a red tash rash. It really wasn’t the best morning for me!

Now, I don’t know about other parents who have very young children, but I find that often, when I am feeding my 7 month old, I will put the spoon  of food into her mouth and I will open and then close my mouth to encourage her to do the same. Well, my husband and I shared a tub of ice cream in the car today and I had to feed it to him whist he drove. After a while, he looked at me really funny and then said I was doing something weird with my mouth each time I gave him some ice cream! I was absent mindedly doing what I do with the baby when I feed her. Even after he told me, I couldn’t stop doing it! This is what 7 and a half months of broken sleep does!! It makes you look like a zombified cockatoo that prances round her kitchen, forgets about tash cream and mimes eating to another grown up. Help me!

In other news:

I went to Dover marina tonight because my dad has just bought a boat and he sailed (sailed? drove? bobbed?) it from Falmouth to Dover over 3  days. We saw him come in and moor (moor? park? crash land?) it. I very nearly fell in the sea, but luckily no one saw.

It’s been a bit of a moronic day for me really. Moronic but enjoyable! 

Day 3

The baby crawled!

What a momentous day this is. 

It started fairly normal and was rather pleasant (apart from the bright red juice my husband brought me this morning. It would appear that he is on a health kick and is juicing anything that stays still long enough. This morning he juiced grapes (normal), apples (normal), carrots (hmm), beetroot (HMM) and parsnip (I KNOW!). It was fairly unpleasant but I didn’t bat an eyelid, even when he told me that he had put some in the baby’s beaker and given it to her (he only told me when I freaked out at her pink vomit)).

We went to baby group where my daughter practiced her ‘zombie crawling’ as my sister calls it and I practiced being nice to other people’s children. My daughter did better than me. 

I hoovered the downstairs of the house and considered introducing the baby to the sucky hose on the hoover. I decided against it when I remembered the dog’s reaction to said introduction (I came downstairs one day to find my husband hoovering the dog. He thought it would be easier than brushing her. It wasn’t. Since then the dog runs a mile when the hoover comes out). 

It was in the afternoon when the baby decided to give crawling a proper go. She did well, I think she got about 2 feet until she decided that she would rather roll around like a weeble. She did, however, decide to crawl later on. In the bath. It wasn’t her best idea. She got a face full of water and wanted me and the rest of the town to know that she wasn’t happy. Then she did it again. And again. Same result every time. Funny, that.

And tonight I go off to Slimming World as I do every Tuesday night. I live for Tuesday evenings! Time off from being a mummy and a wife. As soon as I come back I will no doubt eat a mountain of food, as is tradition after group.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, I didn’t dream of Ryan Reynolds last night. I dreamt of Michael Buble. He helped me up the steps with the pram. Saucy, right? Pah. I’ll never stop being a mummy, will I? 

Day 1

I dropped my phone. 

I dropped my bloody phone.

Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse and I drop my phone. And yes, it is broken. Well, I say I dropped it…

My mum used to say to my dad, “Don’t kick the dog”. He would always say, “I’m not kicking her, I’m pushing her with my foot”.

So to say I ‘dropped’ it may be stretching the truth. Slightly.

It’s been a long day. Actually it’s been a long 7 and a half months. That’s how long it has been since I got a full night’s sleep! She is wonderful and I love her more than living, but bloody hell it’s exhausting. She is up at least twice a night and I am fast approaching the end of my tether. My poor husband. 

Anyway. Some friends were getting rid of their piano and my husband decided that we needed a piano. It is currently sitting in our very narrow hallway, outside the baby’s bedroom. After I put the baby to bed, my husband thought it would be nice to play the piano. The baby woke up. Of course she woke up.

And then I ‘dropped’ my phone. 

So tomorrow I will go to the phone shop and see what can be done after such a freak accident. Wish me luck.

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