May 3rd 2013

No one looks good first thing in the morning. No one. The films lie. Who wakes up with perfect hair and makeup? Er, not me. I resemble a dull, over sized cockatoo. The only two people who get to witness such a fright are my daughter and my long suffering husband. Apart from today…

…You may recall my realisation that I am turning in to my mother because of my mummy dancing? Well, I took the baby downstairs this morning to get her some porridge. My husband was at work and I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed. It was a beautiful morning so I had the kitchen door open so we could admire the garden. Whilst the baby was waiting for her porridge to cool down, I was keeping her entertained by swaying around the kitchen in my dressing gown, singing along to the radio. Then just as I started wobbling my head at her as well as waving my arms, I heard someone shout, “Alright Emily!”. It was my next door neighbour’s son at the bottom of their garden! I yelled ‘hello’ back and ducked out of sight. Now, I should have just left it at that and thought to myself, ‘perhaps I was having one of those mornings where I wake up and look devastatingly beautiful’. But no. I went and looked in the mirror. Oh my. I had make up smudged around my eyes (even though I removed it the night before) and my hair was completely up on end and was wafting about with a mind of its own. Note to self: avoid mirrors (and dancing around the kitchen) first thing in the morning.

To make myself feel less stupid, I decided to balance the top of a pineapple on the baby’s head? Why? Because it took the stupid away from me and put it on her for a bit. Aren’t I a good mother?

When I the baby was napping and I was getting dressed, I decided to make an extra effort to make myself feel a little better. So, I used some Nair hair removal cream on my top lip as I do every week or so. Whilst it was doing its job, I plucked my eyebrows. And lost track of time. You are only supposed to leave the cream on for 5 mins; I left it on for six. When I took it off I had a red tash rash. It really wasn’t the best morning for me!

Now, I don’t know about other parents who have very young children, but I find that often, when I am feeding my 7 month old, I will put the spoon  of food into her mouth and I will open and then close my mouth to encourage her to do the same. Well, my husband and I shared a tub of ice cream in the car today and I had to feed it to him whist he drove. After a while, he looked at me really funny and then said I was doing something weird with my mouth each time I gave him some ice cream! I was absent mindedly doing what I do with the baby when I feed her. Even after he told me, I couldn’t stop doing it! This is what 7 and a half months of broken sleep does!! It makes you look like a zombified cockatoo that prances round her kitchen, forgets about tash cream and mimes eating to another grown up. Help me!

In other news:

I went to Dover marina tonight because my dad has just bought a boat and he sailed (sailed? drove? bobbed?) it from Falmouth to Dover over 3  days. We saw him come in and moor (moor? park? crash land?) it. I very nearly fell in the sea, but luckily no one saw.

It’s been a bit of a moronic day for me really. Moronic but enjoyable! 

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May 2nd 2013

Today I discovered that I am turning in to my mother.

When I was little she used to dance along to music. My sisters and I would mock her for it as it involved her swaying and waving her hands around in front of her. It was funny and it was what mummy did. Well, today, whilst the baby was eating lunch in her Bumbo, I was grooving along to Imagine Dragons’ new album, Night Visions (incredible album by the way), and the baby was laughing at me. I was mortified to realise that I wasn’t grooving (gosh, who says ‘grooving’?!), but I was swaying around the kitchen whilst waving my hands around in front of me. See!! It is happening. I already have tissues in every pocket because I have a constant drip at the end of my nose, thank you mother. Next I will be driving along a country road and pull over because “Look, there is some horse poo. That will make excellent fertiliser for the garden”. Save me. Someone. Anyone. I’m only 25…

Speaking of dripping noses, I saw an old lady with the drippiest nose in history today (and no, it wasn’t my mum. Or me). Actually, I suppose it would be more correct to say that I nearly ran over an old lady with the drippiest nose in history today. Not because she had a drippy nose, because she was in her own old lady world and stepped out in front of my car. At least I know the brakes work!

I ventured out of my home town today. It is a rare occurence. I even ventured out with a friend (one of the few, I ran over the rest) and her baby. We went to (oh my goodness, I really am old before my time…) a garden centre. It was really nice! We looked at fish, baby toys, photo frames, trees, and all things gardeny. There was a giant teddy that I really wanted to buy for my daughter as she was in love with it, but it was £20 and I think my husband wouldn’t talk to me for a long time if I spent that on a stuffed toy! As it is, tonight I have to put up with him having a ‘killer’ headache. Oh lucky, lucky me.

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May 1st 2013

The sun shone and it was actually warm! It was so warm that I decided to eat my porridge outside.

I told all my friends on facebook that I was eating my breakfast ‘ alfresco’ and then I panicked and thought that ‘alfresco’ meant ‘naked’. It sounds like it should mean naked. A quick check on Google informed me that I was right the first time and I was indeed eating my porridge outside, not naked. 

The baby had her first proper experience of the garden today (pictured below). I must remember to get rid of the dog poo before she goes out there in the future. She almost had  a handful. Urgh. She clearly wanted to get her own back as she tiddled on the carpet later on. What a delightful child I produced!

I learnt a valuable lesson today (it’s only taken seven and a half months): Don’t bounce a baby after you’ve fed her. Your outfit will not remain clean. Neither will your bed sheets. Or her outfit.

It’s been a fairly busy day. I have been very social which is unusual for me as I’m usually a miserable bugger with no friends. Well, I say social. I saw my aunt and two sisters. I don’t suppose that really counts. So, I’m still a miserable bugger with no friends then! 

After a car crash a month ago (a van man drove into the back of me and pushed me into the car in front), we finally got a car sorted at the weekend and I picked it up today. Apparently I am a shrewd car buyer! Whatever the dickens that means. Let’s just hope no one drives into me again. If the do then I might just have to ‘drop’ something at them 😉

I am currently sitting at the kitchen table whilst my friends set up their new version of The Settlers of Catan. I. Must. Win.

Photo: Check out the pout!